Six Sentence Sunday ~ 4/15

Well, Zach stuck his foot in it, and now has to try to mend some fences with Lilly.  This week's scene is from Zach's point of view and happens after the disastrous scene from last week.

     “I come in peace.” He held up a bouquet of pink and white lilies and bottle of wine for her inspection. “I made an ass of myself today. I’m hoping you’ll forgive me. Can I come in?”

     Lilly bit her lip and stared at him so long, Zach was sure she would refuse him entry.

***

To read other people's sentences, or join in the fun with some sentences of your own, visit Six Sentence Sunday. 

Thanks so much to everyone who has been coming back each week and posting!  Your support means a lot to me!  I've decided to post the first chapter of Always and Forever as a teaser while I am editing and getting it ready for publication.  Please take a look and tell me what you think. Chapter One 

Wednesday Writing Tip ~ 4/11

Editing - Cutting Unnecessary Words

Continuing on from last week's tip, another trick that really helped me tighten my writing was to find filler/filter words that I overused.  Filler words are ones that don't really belong in your novel in most cases.  For some reason, they trip naturally off your fingers as you type, and seem like they belong.  Here is a pretty comprehensive list someone once gave me:

 just, then, that, feel, feeling, felt, there, knew, know, maybe, see, saw, hear, heard, could, couldn't, ly adverbs, up, down, was, were, wonder, think, thought, realize, watch, look, can, decide, sound, so.

Again, as with was, sometimes you do actually need a word on this list and it is appropriate to use it, just remember, a little goes a long way.  See if sentences can be rearranged to take the filler word out or use a stronger word to express the same idea.  Let us live through the action with your characters, instead of using these words and distancing us from them.

Example:  Kelly felt the cool breeze against her skin.  She knew tomorrow would be a hard day when the trial started.  She wondered what Eric was doing right now.  Was he watching the same stars, thinking of her?

The bold words need to go (if possible) right?  We want to feel Kelly's anxiety, be inside her head.

A cool breeze caressed Kelly's skin, raising goosebumps.  She shuddered.  The trial started tomorrow.  It would be terrifying to face all those people.  Perhaps she caught Eric's fear while visiting him this afternoon.  Kelly shook off her melancholy and gazed into the night sky.  Maybe Eric sat in his jail cell right now, peering through the bars on the window at these same stars.  Did he even consider her? Did he worry what the trial would do to her? 

I know, I always add so many more words when I show how to get rid of the ones that don't belong.  The deal is, when I visualize the scene, sometimes it requires more words to explain so the reader can live in the moment with me.  I hope you agree that it is easier to become invested in Kelly's plight with the second example.

Notice I did use the word maybe even thought it's on the "Do Not Use" list.  As with everything, not all advice is absolute. Personally, I like the word maybe.  I like the feel of it.  I'm always aware when I choose to use it that I'm not 'supposed to,' but I do choose to use it.  Artistic license, writer's voice, all that good stuff.  Don't compromise yourself or your writing voice, just to follow someone else's rule.  This little tidbit took me a long time to figure out, so keep it front in your mind.  Ultimately, you are the creator.  If you really want to break one of the rules, break it, just know that you are.

My biggest word problem, not on the list, was the word "had."  On my first-ever critique, a critter told me to do a search for had and take them all out.  Apparently, she thought I overused it.  She must have not understood my vision, my wonderful writing abilities and my... Oh, no!!

Boy was my face red!  Had appeared in one single paragraph five times! And it only needed to be there once!  I'm also quite partial to "so" and "that" and always have to go through to ax those suckers.

Tighten words wherever you can.  Be brutal!  At first when I started revising Always and Forever, chapters 12 and 13 were horrible, even though I redid them several times.  That's when I realized a lot of stuff needed to be cut out.  I axed over 1000 words, turning two chapters into one, and it was horribly difficult to do.  But really, cutting is much easier since then and I've improved in my ability to see when something doesn't work.  I will now cut entire paragraphs without batting an eyelash if they aren't really helping the story.

Ruthlessly cut any word that isn't adding to your work.  I won't lie, it hurts at first to throw away your words, but will help you in the long run (besides, if it is a lot of words at a time, you don't have to really throw them away--save them to a different document and maybe you can use them later).

Here is another blog that shows an example on cutting these filler/filter words writeitsideways.

Happy writing, everyone!  Have a fantastic week!

Six Sentence Sunday ~ 4/8

This week follows along with the same scene from Always and Forever. 

Well, Lilly has finally had it.  Following last week's bungle when Zach offered to pay Lilly to date him, he continued to stick his foot in his mouth by insisting that really was what he meant.  Disgusted, Lilly told him she must decline his offer and attempts to leave.  He stopped her at the door, demanding to know why she won't help him.  Here is Lilly's response.  Enjoy!

“Sir, if what you are looking for is an escort, I am sure they have a service you can call.”  Any concern about the loss of her job faded against her growing rage at his presumptions.  “If you are looking for more than a date and need bed services too, find yourself a hooker.  I am no prostitute!”

Zach’s eyes widened in shock, and his hand dropped away from the door frame.

     Lilly yanked the door so hard, it flew open and bounced off the wall.

***

Thanks so much to everyone who is following along reading these and making comments.  It really means a lot to me!  To read other author's six or to join in on the fun and post your own, visit Six Sentence Sunday.

Happy Sunday!!

Are We Too Busy for Kindness?

In the spirit of the Easter Holiday, I've been thinking a lot about how times have changed since I was a kid.

While leaving a store last night, I had my hands full and couldn't open the door.  A teenager came up on the other side, opened the door, and raced into the store, as though someone were going to beat him inside and get the last of something he wanted if he took two seconds to help me by holding the door.  I shook my head, wondered what had become of society, and went back to my struggle of figuring out how to exit.  Then a... hmmm... we'll call him a 'more mature' gentleman, appeared on the other side of the door.  He opened it, made a sweeping gesture with his arm to the world outside, smiled, and said, "After you, miss."  I smiled widely, thanked him (to which he responded, "Think nothing of it"), and made my escape to the parking lot beyond.

This is what I worry about.  We live in such a "get it now, on demand" society, many people are not even willing to take a few seconds out to help a fellow human being.  Common manners seem to no longer be a priority. 

My brother can never decide if he is a true believer in faith, but he often tells me his personal theory on getting into heaven.  He says if there is a God, He doesn't care about how many times you go to church.  It's my brother's opinion that God counts how many times you let another car out into traffic.  

It's an interesting theory, really, when you think about it.  In the end, are we really judged on how many things we did that appeared to be right?  Or are we judged on our inner intentions, the number of people we hold a door for, the number of times we give money to the beggar on the corner... the number of people we wave in front of us in traffic?

Growing up, we rarely went to church, but Mom had three cardinal rules:  Do unto others as you would have them do unto you (which went along with Treat thy neighbor as thyself).  Judge not, least ye be judged.  And finally, Thou Shalt Not Tell a Lie. 

I remember her saying these things all the time.  To me they translated to:  Be nice to everyone (even if they are hard to get along with), mind your own beeswax, and always tell the truth.  Honestly, these were so ingrained into my brain, I had a hard time even teasing someone, as that was telling a lie.  Do young people not understand these rules?  Is everyone so busy text messaging and listening to their MP3 players and playing with their Smart phones that they only care about themselves and the next cool thing?  It's a scary thought. 

I think that's part of the reason I like fiction and writing.  My hero will always open car doors, hold a lady's arm, shield her from danger (okay, maybe not at first, some heroes have rough edges, but they learn).  My heroine can be a caring person, concerned with the well-being of others (she can open doors and hold arms too...if she needs to). 

This Easter (and beyond) I want to focus on the true meaning, not the hype put out by the stores to get you to buy new dresses, shoes, and chocolate bunnies (although I'd never say 'no' to a Cabury Creme Egg--yum!).  To me, it's about caring for one another:  Helping an elderly lady put her groceries into her car, taking soup to a sick neighbor, calling a friend just to let them know I'm thinking about them, sitting down to a dinner surrounded by my family.

Whether you are a believer, sitting on the fence of faith, or a nonbeliever in heaven, God, and Jesus, to me the message is universal.  Kindness is an art that shouldn't be lost.

And my personal belief on what life should be about?

LOVE!

Thank you to everyone who is following along and reading my posts, encouraging me in my writing, and helping me along the way!  It means the world to me!  Feel free to leave a comment.  What have you encountered?  Is there still more kindness in the world than "me" mentality?  I sure hope so!  It warms me every time I start to think there is no kindness left, and then someone appears and holds the door :-)

Happy Easter everyone! 

Writing Tip Wednesdays ~ 4/4

Editing

The hardest part of writing, for me at least, is editing.  Until having critique partners at Critique Circle look at my work and tell me all the things I did wrong, I didn't know about the rules of writing.  That said, don't worry about this stuff too much while you are actually writing.  Creating is much different from editing.  Thinking about the rules make it hard for me to put two words down, let alone create an entire scene.

The most helpful editing tip a critique buddy told me was to try not to use the word "was".  Every class I took said - show, don't tell - but I didn't really understand what that meant.  However, if you are using was, were, is, or are in your writing, you are probably telling.  Another way this is stated is passive writing.  The action isn't happening, but instead the narrator tells the reader what happened.

Consider this group of sentences:  The pedestrian was hit by the car.  The car tires were screeching when the vehicle came to a halt.  A spectator was running around screaming.  911 was called and the ambulance soon arrived. 

Horrible to read, right?

For more action and less passive wording, consider what happens when I take "was" out of that group:  A car slammed into the pedestrian.  The vehicle's tires screeched in protest as the acrid scent of burnt rubber issued from beneath the car.  A spectator ran around, uselessly screaming.  Within minutes of the 911 call, an ambulance zoomed onto the scene.

One of the easiest ways to get rid of was is to look for any was -ing word constructions:  was running, was singing, was eating.  Change these to the past tense form (which will automatically give your writing more action): ran, sang, ate.

The trickier ones to find have a word between was and the -ing word:  was seldom trying, was always teasing, was still shouting.  These should be changed: seldom tried, always teased, still shouted.

You can't always get rid of was, but taking out as many as possible, restructuring sentences with "was" in a more action-oriented way, will definitely give you an edge on the whole "show, don't tell" philosophy.

A great resource I use all the time for more editing tips A-Z can be found here.

Happy writing! Have a wonderful week!

Books I Love ~ 4/2

Vampires and werewolves and telepathy... oh my!

This week, I'm going to tell you all about my guilty little pleasure... well, not so little.  A few years ago I read Twilight with my daughter, which made me realize I'm not so big on the whole sweet vampires/teen angst-type of books.  Those are perfectly fine for anyone who likes that type of book, but I realized I'm not that person.  So, I thought I would stay away from the vampire culture shock taking over the reading industry. 

However, one night I flipped through channels on TV before bed (no matter how many channels you have, there's never anything good on!).  I landed on HBO.  There was some weird show on. A vampire, just awakened after first being created, wandered the forest with her maker, Bill, looking for dinner.  I thought, "This is strange.  What the heck is this?"  For some reason, I kept watching.  It's an addiction, really, and from then on I started religiously watching True Blood.  It comes on in the summer on HBO, and my whole family became addicted.  I always know where everyone will be Sunday night in the summer, with me, in the living room, watching True Blood. 

Then came my birthday, and my daughter (knowing how much I love to read) went out and found the first two books the series is based on.  The Sookie Stackhouse Novels by Charlaine Harris.  OMG! I became obsessed! These are not your typical vampire novels, and Harris has been writing long before Twilight took over our vampire culture.  These books are wonderful!  I raced through those first two in three days and had to run to the store to buy the next seven books. 

So goes my ongoing love affair with Sookie and her fierce--yet deliciously sexy--vampires.  The twelfth novel, Deadlocked, will be out in May, so if I disappear for a while, you'll know where I am.  I normally re-read the entire series and then go on to read the new book each year when the new release comes out. 

Charlaine Harris also writes several other series of books.  I've read them all and they're all great, but Sookie remains my favorite (though the Lily Bard mysteries are my daughter's favorite).  You can visit  Harrris' page here.

What are you reading?  

Have a terrific week!  Happy reading, everyone!  

Six Sentence Sunday ~ 4/1

Happy April Fool's Day to all you fools out there!!

This week's 6 take the thread of the story up right where last week's left off in Always and Forever.  Zach and his grandmother have asked Lilly to be a decoy date for Zach, and she is trying to figure out how to get out of the situation without losing her job.  It is from Lilly's point of view.

 

     If Zach asked her on a date without all this explanation, she would have been delighted; but as things stood, she didn’t fancy being a decoy to fool his parents and keep other women away.

     Zach seemed no longer able to take the tension. “I would pay you for your time, of course.”

     Lilly’s eyebrows drew together. “You want to pay me to date you?”

     “Now, dear,” Leticia said quickly, “that’s not really what he meant.”

***

I hope you are enjoying this series of sentences.  This was the first scene that formed in my mind when I starting thinking of this book, and I'm quite partial to it. 

To check out other author's 6 or to contribute your own, visit Six Sentence Sunday here.

Thanks for reading!  Happy Sunday!