Writing Tip Wednesdays

Well, I decided not to do a website this week, but to pass on some of the wisdom I've learned.  My critique buddies have taught me wonderful information about writing that I didn't know before joining their group.  However, there was something I brought to the table and I think it is very important.  It's something newbies and seasoned writers alike struggle with. 

I'm referring to Talking Heads ... dum, dum, dum...

Really, this is a horrible problem, and one of my biggest nitpicks.  Take the following scene between my two MCs in Always and Forever.  I also threw some of Grandma Letitia into the mix, just to add extra confusion.  I've redone this scene as talking heads (not actually how it ended up):

“As you probably know, Zach has come here to concentrate on writing a mystery novel.”

"Yes, we already talked about that," Lilly said. "Did you need some help researching? I’d be more than happy to help if you’ll let me read your book as you go along."

"The book is not what I need your help with."

"Oh."

"I could probably be persuaded to allow you to see it, however."

"I’ll hold you to that."

"I knew you two would hit it off. That’s what makes you so perfect for what we need, Lilly."

"And that would be?" Lilly asked.

***

I critique many novels with conversations similar to this one. I'm constantly begging, pleading for the author to add in some movements, thoughts from the point of view character, or at the very least some more he said/she said so I have a clue who is speaking.

At every third line of dialogue (at least), there needs to be some sort of action going on.  Readers like to use their imaginations, true, but they also like to see the scene you have created, and the above example, frankly, bores me to tears.  While dialogue is considered by many the most interesting piece of writing in a book, make sure it is, in fact, interesting. 

Here's how that scene actually reads:

“As you probably know,” Leticia continued, oblivious to Lilly’s anxiety, “Zach has come here to concentrate on writing a mystery novel.”

Lilly smiled despite her nerves, excitement overcoming her. There were few things she’d rather do than lose herself in a novel. “Yes, we already talked about that.” She flicked her gaze to Zach. “Did you need some help researching? I’d be more than happy to help if you’ll let me read your book as you go along.”

Zach looked amused, though he didn’t display his devastating smile that had shaken her so much. “The book is not what I need your help with.”

“Oh.” Lilly stifled her disappointment. During her darkest times, she could escape into a book, travel to a different world, and forget her troubles for a while.

Zach leaned forward to set his cup on the coffee table and grinned at her. “I could probably be persuaded to allow you to see it, however.”

“I’ll hold you to that.” It might also provide more opportunity to spend time with him.

Leticia smiled benignly at both of them. “I knew you two would hit it off. That’s what makes you so perfect for what we need, Lilly.”

Lilly’s anxiety flooded back. “And that would be?”

***

I hope you can see the difference the bolded section makes toward bringing the scene to life. 

For more information on how to avoid this phenomenon, do an internet search for talking heads.  Talking heads kill your story.  Be ruthless!  Go through your manuscript and show what happens.  Remember, if three lines of dialogue have gone past and no one has snorted, smiled, scratched, or spit, you need to add something, because you're probably losing your readers. 

Happy writing, everyone! Have a great week!